9 November 2017

In Defence of the Most Unflattering Piece of Clothing I Own

photographs by Beth Elstone

ASOS White jumper dress | New Balance 991s* | Weekday hat*

Where does one start trying to defend the jumper dress? The jumper dress is, at best, an ugly piece of clothing.  Its awkward length ridicules any jacket. The way it breezes past your body regardless of its shape, leaving whats beneath unknown, is unflattering. I haven't worn a jumper dress since they were a 'trend' back in my teenage years yet here we are.

The jumper dress is ordinary; it is beige; it is boring. The jumper dress blends seamlessly into a crowd. There are no second looks from strangers at the jumper dress and some days that is priceless.

The jumper dress is a shield offering unapologetic warmth from the cold. I do not cherish it like I cherish my attention-seeking fur coats or my shiny, vinyl trousers but I do love this jumper dress  – it's very specific love that I don't expect you to understand and you are forgiven if you don't.

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