A Month Without Chocolate



I once gave up chocolate for a year as a child. My parents bet me a hundred quid I couldn't not eat chocolate for a year. No penguin bars; no chocolate cake on other kids birthdays; no chocolate fingers for break. Nada, nothing. 

It was my first foray into testing my willpower and, being just as stubborn then as I am now, I did it. I was eleven, and gave up something I loved because someone dared me I couldn't. Take from that what you will.

As an adult, chocolate plays a part in, dare I say it, every day of my life. We aren't talking 85% cocoa that's 'actually healthy because it's full of antioxidants' sort of chocolate either. I love those soft, melt-in-your-mouth white chocolate cookies from M&S. I am a sucker for a bag of malteasers and some Netflix and chill. 

I categorically do not diet - it sends me into a downward spiral of anxiety and self-loathing - and generally, I have a really balanced attitude towards food because of this. I work out four or five times a week and eat whatever the hell I want with no question or guilt. 

However, I hit a bit of a wall last month where I decided my chocolate consumption had got out of hand - we're talking a share-bag a day. There's moderation and then there's just downright gluttony and I was slowly heading towards the latter.

Day 1

Full steam ahead. I'd totally got this - mind over matter etc. 

10am: Hit M&S to stock up on everything natural sugar. We're talking a solid twenty quid on blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, pink lady apples, the lot. I threw in a pack of those nice jammy dodger type biscuits for good measure. I'd invested in a better me and now there was no excuse.

3pm: Can. Not. Stop. Thinking. About. Chocolate.

9pm: "I CAN NOT DO THIS."

11pm: Went to bed early so at least that way I would stop thinking about it.

--

Honestly, it didn't really get any better. Instead of eating a bag of chocolate, I was eating half a pack of biscuits. It became quite clear that chocolate isn't the problem but I am a sugar addict. Fruit curbed the desires but in quite the same way that a nice slice of carrot cake did.

By week two, it got a little better but thinking about chocolate was quite constant. I HATE not being allowed things. I am a complete child in that respect; if I can't have it, I want it 20 times more.

The times I found the hardest were the ones when I was in doors alone, twiddling my thumbs. Easiest were, of course, when I was out with a nice sugary cocktail or wine in hand. 

I did make it to the end of a whole month without chocolate but only because it wouldn't have been worth the grief I would have given myself had I of failed. 

I'm back eating it like nothing has changed, although the amount is less. 

Do you know what, I exercise and I don't bloody eat cheese - because I think it's gross - so, I'm cutting myself some slack on this one. 

We all have that one thing that's got us slippin'. (Sorry.)

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