A Month Without Chocolate

I once gave up chocolate for a year as a child. My parents bet me a hundred quid I couldn't not eat chocolate for a year. No penguin bars; no chocolate cake on other kids birthdays; no chocolate fingers for break. Nada, nothing. 

It was my first foray into testing my willpower and, being just as stubborn then as I am now, I did it. I was eleven, and gave up something I loved because someone dared me I couldn't. Take from that what you will.

As an adult, chocolate plays a part in, dare I say it, every day of my life. We aren't talking 85% cocoa that's 'actually healthy because it's full of antioxidants' sort of chocolate either. I love those soft, melt-in-your-mouth white chocolate cookies from M&S. I am a sucker for a bag of malteasers and some Netflix and chill. 

I categorically do not diet - it sends me into a downward spiral of anxiety and self-loathing - and generally, I have a really balanced attitude towards food because of this. I work out four or five times a week and eat whatever the hell I want with no question or guilt. 

However, I hit a bit of a wall last month where I decided my chocolate consumption had got out of hand - we're talking a share-bag a day. There's moderation and then there's just downright gluttony and I was slowly heading towards the latter.

Day 1

Full steam ahead. I'd totally got this - mind over matter etc. 

10am: Hit M&S to stock up on everything natural sugar. We're talking a solid twenty quid on blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, pink lady apples, the lot. I threw in a pack of those nice jammy dodger type biscuits for good measure. I'd invested in a better me and now there was no excuse.

3pm: Can. Not. Stop. Thinking. About. Chocolate.


11pm: Went to bed early so at least that way I would stop thinking about it.


Honestly, it didn't really get any better. Instead of eating a bag of chocolate, I was eating half a pack of biscuits. It became quite clear that chocolate isn't the problem but I am a sugar addict. Fruit curbed the desires but in quite the same way that a nice slice of carrot cake did.

By week two, it got a little better but thinking about chocolate was quite constant. I HATE not being allowed things. I am a complete child in that respect; if I can't have it, I want it 20 times more.

The times I found the hardest were the ones when I was in doors alone, twiddling my thumbs. Easiest were, of course, when I was out with a nice sugary cocktail or wine in hand. 

I did make it to the end of a whole month without chocolate but only because it wouldn't have been worth the grief I would have given myself had I of failed. 

I'm back eating it like nothing has changed, although the amount is less. 

Do you know what, I exercise and I don't bloody eat cheese - because I think it's gross - so, I'm cutting myself some slack on this one. 

We all have that one thing that's got us slippin'. (Sorry.)

The perks of not letting go

When it comes to clothes and products, I struggle to let anything go. I envy people who are able to adhere to the three month rule; there are dresses hanging in my wardrobe that have been there for years, mainly untouched.

I don't head down to Primark or H&M on a monthly basis to throw a hundred quid at the latest trend, only to disregard purchases a couple of months on. I make careful decisions about the clothes I buy, which makes them all that much harder to part with.

To date, my longest relationship has been with my favourite black jeans - we are forever faithful to each other; I continue to buy the same pair and they continue to hoist me up in all the right areas.

And it doesn't stop there. Call me crazy but I've developed an emotional bond with a lot of the clothes I own.

The contents of a wardrobe can hold cherished memories; for me, there are outfits from the days when I loved Nirvana, swiftly followed with what I wore whilst I had Kate Nash on repeat. There's the American Apparel dress I wore on my first night out and my first vintage designer handbag that I treasured like nothing else and still do/always will. Every time I wear the bodysuit I wore when I first met my boyfriend, I'm reminded of that evening. #Cringe but true.

In other words, I am a first-class hoarder.

Aside from a serious lack of space, holding on to pieces has it's perks. Trends in fashion have a habit of coming back around.

This dress is a good example of that. I bought it while I was at university; it wasn't insanely expensive but it is 100% silk and as a university student, there's no doubt that I saw it as more of an investment piece. Five years on and gingham is everywhere again and I'm having the last laugh.


Shop my gingham favourites:

Sunday Session 02.

No words, just music - mainly because I cba to waffle on about each track when you can use your own ears to figure out your thoughts and feelings surrounding each rift, melody and lyric more accurately. Happy Sunday. Happy listening.


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